well, shock not in closet for this blog either. in my room, its night, sitting in the dark laptop in from me while on my queen sized bed, which is 1/4th consumed in clothes, 1/4th consumed by crumpled blanket, 1/4th by towel in case i hurl, and rest is me. feeling sick this night, maybe the combination of anger crying stress and my large amount of walking in this insane summer heat did it.

i love walking. not sure why, heat makes me sweat a gross amount, my legs always ache from the ton of walking i do, i get sunburned.  but it tires me out and calms me down. ive done a good amount of walking today. when stress levels rise, i walk a ton i drink more liquids and not eat much food. i even clean or re arrange a lot when im unhappy. however no point to cleaning or re arranging the boxes of my lifes belongings.

alrighty so life isnt easy i know, but really? cant we all stop pause and just think all the things we get upset over and more importantly how we take out those upsets- i walk or clean. fairly healthy ways of handling when im not happy. but others drink smoke get angry pick fights abuse animals, so, so many horrible things humans do to take out their own misery on their surroundings. i dont  have a solution really becausse its a choice the individuals choice. some people will just never choose good healthy ways to cope, i dont understand why, but thats how it is. i dont think it should be that way, how better would it be if we all dealt in healthy ways with our unhappiness? least in my train of thought it would be a whoooooolleeeee lot better.

i should be attempting sleep least trying to get back in habit of sleeping during the night..or just sleeping at all haha, but even for how tired i am, my stomach isnt going to allow rest sigh