the murdock, first name nick. the most unique person to ever cross my path. words cannot truly convey his lack of not giving a fuck what others think, his dark yet odd style, his skills at drawing and painting, the way he walk around singing at the top of his lungs werever he goes, even though half the time u can understand the lyrics he belts out.
ive dated him, sorta. in some ways he is average male- aka sex drive. ive always said no and he always respects it...course he tries to change your mind. for the first time he spoke of wanting me as a girlfriend not just one the girls he hooks up with or dates or becomes friends with
i am unsure of what to think. i like him, hell i admire him. but i am not sure he is able to carry a relationship, worse is... i dont know if i can carry a relationship. last summer after a bad break up with the guy i thought was my one and only for ever, my male best friend took advantage of me, i said no and he didnt listen. i drove home crying like no tomorrow swearing off all males.
the idea of being intimate with one now or in the future sort of scares me. you if anyone even reads my crap is like oh wtf ever or like go see a councelor etc. truth is, i cant tell anyone here or speak to anyone about it. i hate the councelors in this town and even so i have no health insurance. i just feel like everything tumbled down on me and ive spent months trying move the shit off. i dont know if nick can help or will set off more panic attacks. im so lost.
i like frogs. yay.
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